Truth

Truth
Definition: that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.
noun: the truth
“tell me the truth”

synonyms: the fact of the matter, what actually/really happened, the case

Underneath this anger is hurt that I carry… and a feeling of betrayal. I value truth over anything. I would rather hear the most brutal truths than lies to lead me down a primrose path. When a person lies to my face, my brain filters it as a lack of respect for the very essence of being. I am not worth the truth. You do not value me as a human being enough to be courteous enough to keep it real with me. Omission of fact is also an untruth. By simply deciding I am not worthy of communication, I have become irrelevant.

So here we are, hello, meet anger. Anger at the fact that someone I have allowed to become close to me values me so little. Because if a person truly values you, you would think they would have enough foresight to keep their intentions clean and not need to lie to begin with. Do not sleep on the fact that I have clawed my way to a sense of self-love and acceptance. I am worth the truth. I am a force to be reckoned with and will not stand by and be continually disrespected. When I know a person is being untruthful – my soul feels weighed down. Their presence in the room fills me with dread. I don’t want to be in the presence of anyone that I cannot trust. My brain is wondering what I need to be on the look out for next.
How do you rebuild that trust? Is it possible to truly fully trust another person after they have shattered your faith in their ability to be transparent? The innocence of the perspective is gone. You can forgive, you can accept, you can heal, but that little voice will always whisper and wonder. Over the years I have had a tremendous amount of people attempt to deceive me in numerous ways and on numerous levels. The universe brings back lessons until we fully grasp what it was trying to teach us. So my question remains – how. do. you. rebuild?
As I want to roll my eyes, I know it is through full healing. I am still on that journey. You have to heal, let go, and reclaim your childlike belief that people are good and mean you well. There are multiple levels to healing, levels I have yet to master.  I also think its an ability to acknowledge that no one is perfect, and that everyone is also on a journey of growth through their own pain. Hurt people. hurt other people. Maybe it wasn’t ever even about ME (ugh that ego bullshit) and really it was about the fact that they are unhealed themselves and are pushing their pain and hurt through deception, lies, and ulterior motives and I was just caught in the wind of it all. Healing sounds so light and beautiful, but growth feels the way “The Tower” looks.

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